The Voice | 2

You let your voice out. But your words came out wrong. It exited your mouth like a rapid river trying to suck all the people happily playing in the water. You are so used on letting your voice be silenced by your fear. Then when it finally came out, your voice sounds like a piercing knife.

You let your voice be heard this time and then you quiver. You’re not so used with this kind of voice. You’re not so used on hearing it audibly. You wished you haven’t spoken at all.

You let your words came out. Like a song on its last song syndrome, happily then daunting then painful then it cannot stop you from feeling coward again. You let the words out, the words that made you up for the first 4 months of this year. You let the words out, the words you’ve been keeping to yourself since 2010.

And those words, from the past, it is like a phone ringing with an introvert holding it. It is haunting. It pierces. It slices. You said it will never haunt you again. But it did.

Those words finally came out and I am inside again. Rewinding what I’ve just said. Replaying the syllables and wanting it to be pushed back. But it can’t. Letting people know what you’ve been through, letting them have the glimpse of the chaos inside you… It is suffocating than freeing.

I’ve already mastered the art of being silent. Maybe this is it. My voice shouldn’t be heard after all.


Yien100717

When you are falling in a forest and there’s nobody around, did you ever really crash or even make a sound?

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Last Goodbye

Goodbye to you

You’ve been standing in front for this long

You’ve choked the life inside

But you’ve never passed the holy light.

 

Goodnight to you

The dust above the head

The creature under the bed

Farewell to you, so long!

 

This is the last goodbye

Hoping you settle somewhere else

Hoping you will not come by

again in this beautiful sunrise.


Yien 061817

Why Do We Write?

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Sometimes, we just want to make sense of all the thoughts inside our heads. Yet, conversations with people aren’t enough and most of the time superficial. So we seek an outlet to let all the words out. We grab our pens and bleed words we badly want to utter. We write until words run out and the only thing that remain is the bleeding. No, not the physical bleeding or the tangible one but the bleeding that flows inside us – the bleeding of hope.

In writing, we can discover a new found hope. A hope that someday, someone can hear us out… can hear the voices inside our minds… can hear the words we want to say but can’t utter. A hope that someday, we can hear our own… we can stop the shouting voices in our minds… and we can finally utter the words we badly want to say.

Yien041817

The Cowardly Lion

It is not enough to have the right talent and the right tools. Most of the time, it all boils down to timing and how badly you want it to have it.

How badly you want it that you courageously go out to your comfort zone? That fine line between your cowardice and bold goals.

How badly you want it that you can risk every known familiarity? That fine line between your cowardice and the unknown.

Many have died believing their talents are enough. But it is not. It is deeper. It is the courage from within. The courage to believe, to start, to fail and to start again.


Inspired by The Cowardly Lion of  Oz Series

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Borrowed Time


“Life is short.” I have heard this cliché many times; so many times that I have never imagined that it will hit home and it will hit home hard enough; so many times that I have never imagined that it would be literal as 6 days, 14 hours and 55 minutes of living.

It is already 9 days after my niece died (as of writing), but I still couldn’t comprehend how and why this little baby girl, innocent and full of potential, should suffer and feel the pain even adults couldn’t bear. Why in her young age, she should undergo angioplasty? How her young body could bear all the pain?

Life is very short for this young little girl. She hadn’t seen the world. From the day she was born, she was taken to the heart center for operation. 6 days in the ICU.  She didn’t see her mother; her mother didn’t have the chance to hug her.  September 21 was her first breath. September 28 was her last.

In times like this, I want to tell every person I meet that life is short; that they should not spend it YOLO-ing but instead make out of most of their time loving and caring for people; that they should not be selfish to flick a cigarette while others are dying from lack of oxygen; that they should learn to value their health; that time is of essence; your time spent more to one thing is a time you spent less to another; that life is too fragile to break it.

Seeing my niece (7 days old) inside the coffin was heart-breaking. It is as if imagining how she suffered greatly, how much pain she endured. I would like to ask God, not to whine, but to have a conversation, just to know His plans, just to know what’s going on in His mind, to be assured that this little angel is safe and sound to His loving arms.

“A man’s days are numbered. You know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set. So now look away from him that he may rest, until he has lived the time set for him like a man paid to work.” – Job 14:15

Yien 10.07.16

Choice

Everything in life is a series of choice. Whatever, whoever we are is the sum of the choices we’ve made.

This is not really a new realization but sometimes I need to remind myself that life is like that. We are our choices.

Thought about Work: Replaceable

Everyone is replaceable. The time you decided to leave is the time you give a permission for others to replace you. The space you are occupying today, maybe occupied by others tomorrow, someone better than you, equal you or below you. It does not matter anymore. You are replaceable.


Yien.05.02.16 Thoughts about work

Mike Wazowski

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When you were young, you dreamed of so many things. Then one day, just like a spark, you realized your ultimate dream, the ultimate dream of dreams. You work hard to attain it, you blabber about it continuously as if telling it to everyone will make a whole lot of difference. You try to flourish it by studying every details of your dream, every dots of it, every lines of it. You believe that everything will be at their right places, for believing is seeing. You work hard, there are sleepless nights, there are more caffeine circulating your body than water. You thought you can be whoever you want to be…

But then, just like the day of realization of dream, there comes the shattering of it. People will tell you that you don’t have what it takes to be who you want to be… because you are too young, or too small, or too big, or too white, or too black… or you will fail hard… and your dream will shatter before your eyes.

Then, you will hate yourself more than that person who’s trying to bring you down. You will hate yourself because you dream the impossible. You will hate yourself because you fail miserably. You will hate yourself because you wasted your time memorizing every aspect of your dream. You will hate yourself for believing that you can make it. You will hate yourself for being too confident with your dream.

Who are you now besides the dreamer you were? Who are you now? Where are you now?

So what if you can’t attain your dream from the conventional? So what if you start from the bottom again? Life is always like that… a starting over. If it does not work out today, why not try it in a different way? Try… fail… try again… and fail again… then try again. You fail today, so what? Maybe the result of your hard work may differ to what you expect. However, maybe, it is the best result it can be, the result you needed to have, the result you truly desire.

People try to bring you down, so what?Don’t be so hard to yourself. People will try their best to discourage you. Or some people will try to keep you inside the box. Let them. Let them just like you let yourself shine from the rest.


Yien 01.30.16
Inspired by the movie, Monster University

Thank you for being part of my 2014

Your support in my blog is one of the highlights of my 2014. I started to blog for one purpose only, to put my journey to God in the web. Actually, this blog was supposedly a self-serving blog. I just wanted to write. That’s it. Without knowing that many people will take the time to view, read, like and comment. But suprisingly, the numbers of my followers increase.

I don’t know how and why you are continuously following and reading my rumbling and mumbling. Never in my wildest dreams that people will read my opinions and take part of it since I am a silent person. I don’t get to tell people my deepest thoughts because they might laugh or just shrug at my thoughts. But you all make me feel that my opinions are also important, worthy to listen to.

I thank you all for taking time to read my posts. From the grammatically wrong ones to the most deepest thoughts and feelings I wrote. Hoping that on 2015, you will still take time to read this blog. You don’t know how much it means to me.

WordPress community is now a big part of me.

Still… this blog has only one purpose… to serve God in a way I know and love… Writing!

Have a blessed New Year to all of you! Once again, thank you!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,000 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 33 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.