Monachopsis


​I am out of place
Out of mind

Out of this world

But I am inside.
Yien010617

———-

Reading the notes in my phone, then I stumbled to this. Well, I can’t quite remember where I was coming from when writing this Monachopsis thing. Maybe I was feeling out of place that time. Maybe I wanted something but things weren’t going as planned. Or maybe just maybe, I wanted to let go of some things in life. Whatever it is, I am quite sure I already get pass that.

Lost

 

unspokenHave you ever feel lost?

Like a fool looking for answers,

Looking for something to hold on to,

Looking for signs, little hope to go on.

Ten thousand days, ten thousand weeks,

Ten thousand months, ten thousand years.

Yet the ears are fixed to the only familiar sound,

The sound of the only thing that is keeping me alive.

Wondering, wandering…

Feeling, seeing…

Believing, trusting…

Should I still go on?

Or is this the right time to let go?


Yien 040317

  • Hugot sa na-corrupt na SD card.

Words

unspoken

How loud could silence be?

How a word could mean nothing?

How action speaks louder?

But silence is more deafening?

 

In those pausing and waiting

are lost words,

words that could mean everything

but were left unsaid.

 

Between words and action

are the guessing, thinking

how cowardice takes place?

how courage seems to deplete?

 

In those thinking and guessing,

our life unfolds

a story which never started but ended,

and that’s how this will end.

 

03.05.17


This is how Ed Sheeran music affects me.

Hawak

unspoken

Pagod na pagod na akong lumaban.

Pagod na pagod na akong hawakan, ang mga pangarap na tila ba’y wala namang patutunguhan.

Pagod na akong tahakin ang landas na hindi ko alam ang pupuntahan.

Ligtas pa ba kung sasabihin kong, ayoko na, tigil na?

Sa ganitong panahon, napapagtanto ko kung gaano kahirap na kapitan ang mga bagay na mawawala rin pala.

Sa ganitong panahon, nararamdaman ko na hindi ko pala kayang mag-isa.

Dahil sa ganitong panahon, na akala ko’y kaya ko ng bumitaw, ‘yon pala’y hawak Mo pa rin ang aking mga kamay.

Ang aking mga kamay, nanginginig, napapagod.

Napapagod na sa pagsusulat ng mga bagay, mga plano… na sa huli pala ay parang bulang mawawala.

Nanginginig sa takot kung tama pa ba ito, nanginginig sa pagod, sa paglaban, sa pagpapatuloy ng mga bagay na hindi pala para sa’kin.

Ito na ang katapusan,

Tatapusin ko na.

Ang paglaban sa isang digmaan na pinanalunan Mo na.

Ito na ang katapusan,

Tatapusin ko na.

At ngayon ikaw naman uli ang mag-uumpisa.

Umpisahan Mong baguhin ang puso ko, buuin, pagtibayin, palambutin.

Umpisahan Mong gawin ang nararapat.

Tapos na ako.

Ikaw na uli ang may hawak sa buhay ko.

02.18.17

Daydreaming

tumblr_mcx6vySPbh1rxgllzo1_500

An endless chase of what’s ahead

Counting the whites in your head.

They say fear is the only thing we should fear.

But why love strangle me into a deep sleep?


Yien 081016

Image Property of rebloggy.com

She Was Once a Girl

tumblr_miso0z255m1s16dq2o1_500She was once a girl who thought keeping her mouth shut is always the answer.

She was never demanding nor expecting anything in return.

But in her mind, she’s dying and craving.

Yet, “not today,” she said.


She was once a timid girl who thought everything was rainbow.

She had never seen darkness, blackness and oblivion.

But one day, all the colors she had known vanished

Thus, dullness is the only color she holds.


She knows silence is mightier than any words but her mouth opens when needed to.

Dullness is the reality but making color is what she intended to do.

That timid girl is a big girl now.

That girl is me…

trying to brave the world ahead.


Julienne

08.03.16

Unsung Song

Write down your fears and be alive.

Take my hand, together let’s fly:

To the moon and back,

To the sun and back,

To the greatest adventure of your life.

 

Paint me black and blue and red.

All the colors in your hand:

As white as snow;

As pretty as pink;

Together we’ll color the world.

 

Worry no more

Sorry no more

We’ll create a life within your home.

 

Write down your dreams,

Color it red.

Let your dreams be alive and fly like a bird:

To a world full of beauty,

A world full of joy.

Let your heart be filled with symphony and tone.

Julienne


This is supposed to be a song. But because I don’t have a good voice and I don’t have the guts to post the sound recording I made last Wednesday, it will stay an unsung song until the end of time.

Sesquipedalian

Can we go back to simpler times
When our hearts go fonder to simpler things;
When we smile simply by looking at the sky;
When we walk to the same ground;
When words are just words but action speaks louder;
When we only see what’s ahead not what’s behind?

Tell me, can we go back to those times:
When life itself is worth more than pictures;
When laughter is as contagious;
When eyes sparkle to the sound of a bell;
When we distinguish good and sweet smell?

Can we go back to the times;
When daffodils grow more than buildings;
When raining means bathing;
When hurting means learning;
and kneeling means praying?

Tell me now, can we go back…
When all these simpler things seem out-of-reach;
When we realize we’re no longer a child full of dreams;
No kiss, no bliss, but dreams in a grease?
Can we still go back? Can we?

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image

 

 

 


ses·qui·pe·da·li·an

ˌseskwəpəˈdālyən/
adjective

formal
adjective: sesquipedalian
  1. (of a word) polysyllabic; long.
    “sesquipedalian surnames”
    1. characterized by long words; long-winded.
      “the sesquipedalian prose of scientific journals”

Sistema

Palipasin ang oras.

Hayaan mong kainin ng sistema ang iyong kakayahan.


Sino ka nga ba para humingi?

Humingi ng nararapat sa iyo,

Humingi ng kaunting oras para patunayan,

na hindi ito ang iyong kagustuhan.


Palipasin ang oras.

Katulad ng pagpapalipas sa pagkakataong umangat.


Ano ka nga ba sa mata nila?

Sa mata nilang mapanghusga

ni hindi maibigay ang naaayon sa iyo

ni hindi ka mailagay sa upuang ukol sa’yo.


Palipasin ang oras.

Katulad ng paglipas ng isang magandang kinabukasan.


Saan ka nga ba pupulutin?

Saan putik ka matatagpuan matapos ng mahabang paglalakbay?

Oo, niyurak na ng sistema na iyong pinagsisilbihan

ang pangarap na matagal mo na sanang nakamtan.


Yien05.17.16