“What I hope you’ll find in the end is that in the leaving, you don’t just find love, adventure, and freedom. More than anything, you find you.” – Isa Garcia, Found
Part of me wanted to cry and some other part of me just wanted to jump from joy. I have never imagined 2017 to be the year when I almost fall off from the ledge. There were lots of pull and push, up and down. Yet, I am still here alive, kicking and breathing the air of the new hope this new year may bring.
Most of the days of my 2017 were spent overthinking different circumstances and maybe that’s why I had episodes of anxiety the first 4 months of the year. It was not only on my emotional being it has effect on, but also on the physical aspect. I lose weight. I ate less. My once acne-free face is now acne-prone. Things were really out of hand and I didn’t know what to do. I tried everything I could to lessen the anxiety attacks. I tried meditation, journal-ing, art-ing, painting and I even started to focus on my IG feed. Yet, to no avail. That’s when I realized that I couldn’t do it alone, I couldn’t win battle alone.
That was the turning point. I started to open my heart to any possibilities. I welcomed people in my life, even though I know to myself that this kind of possibilities were uncertain. I gave myself a chance to know people, to see through beyond the doubt, to try to learn the language of most human being — love. I thought I am not capable to speak that language. I could love, yes, but the kind of love people expect in return, I thought, I can’t but I learned I could.
If 2017 had taught me something valuable, it is that my thoughts about myself, those labels I put in my head, those limits I tried to tell myself were just a mere thought, an excuse. 2017 taught me that I am beyond all those things, that I could be the person people never expected me to be, that I am capable, and that I can.
There were lot of things that happened this year. I cannot enumerate everything. What I can say is, 2017 had been the hardest but also the most fulfilling one. Because in all those chaos, I realized that everything has its own season and God is really faithful with His promises.
Happy New Year!