Right Here

I stopped telling myself to write,

Write words that don’t resonate;

Write words that sound like a gong, empty and only echoes.

 

I stopped telling myself to force life,

Force life to give the greatness I’ve always wanted.

Because life will not give me my heart.

 

I stopped telling myself to stop trying,

Stop trying to live and be alive,

Stop trying to give life.

 

I start telling myself to write words,

To write words that define the soul,

To write words that sound like a real voice.

 

I start telling myself to let life,

Let life give the pinch of hope I always need for greatness,

Let life seethe through my vein.

 

I start telling myself to truly live,

Truly live in the moment

Because right here, right now, is where I am alive.


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Learn To Be

Learn to be alone,

to love the silence.

Learn to hit the rock bottom

and stand up again.

Learn to heal the brokenness yourself

alone and quiet.

Learn to know when to stop

be still and restart.

Learn to cry out loud

and laugh and sigh.

Learn to live for yourself

find within the joy you’ve lost

from looking for temporary happiness.


Yien091517

On Pushing, Not Giving Up and Showing Up

Today marks my 5th year in the corporate world. Every year, I make sure to blog about my experiences and feelings about my stay in this world I have never imagined myself to be this very long.

Being here in this particular job is a love-hate relationship. It is like I am extending and flexing myself to be someone I am not. And yet, I am here because of the simple fact that I know God wants me here, right at this place, right at this moment.

There are lot of times I wanted to give up and just leave this competitive corporate world. There are lot of times that this job made me anxious and left me self-pitying to the point I am at the verge of giving in to depression. But why I am still here, if this is the case?

What I learned about this life is even though you’ve been in this black hole of self-pity, anxiety and depressing thoughts, you need to show up and push through. Not letting the black holes to pull you and eat you alive.

Showing up is hard. Pushing through is hard. Most especially, when you are in a love-hate relationship with the job you have right now. But showing up can do wonders. Pushing through even though you don’t want to can also do wonders.

I realized that in life, even if you feel withdrawing yourself from the world; even if you feel like giving up; even if you feel not being good enough… showing up makes a whole lot of difference.

So, I am here. I am still here. I am still breathing the air of competitiveness, still learning about adult life, still thriving to push and still testing the boundaries.

Right now, I am just enjoying the process. I am enjoying the learning. I am enjoying the experiences I may gain in this world. For now, I am here and I am not giving up.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”- 1 Peter 5:7


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The past months have been very hard for me in almost every aspect of my life. I got too frustrated a lot and oftentimes it manifested in my works, words and actions. And most of the time, I wanted to give up. Spiritually, I knew there was something wrong with me. There were a lot of times I forgot to pray or devote time to talk to God or even read the Bible. Sometimes, when I read the Bible, it seemed like nothing is sticking up in my head. I know there is something wrong with my heart.


However, last weekend, it seems I am having a renewed sense of spirituality. I began my Saturday with reading the Bible, praying and devoting a time to talk to God. And it was really refreshing.  It is as if all the battles I’ve been fighting for almost 7 months have vanished.


“Do not lose heart,” God said. And it stuck in my head.
“Do not lose heart,” God said and I trust Him.
“Do not lose heart,” God said and my heart steadied.

 

Yes, Lord, I will not lose heart


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Note to My Younger Self | 11 | 2017

“Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?”

Can you be true just for once? Not for others, but for yourself. Tell yourself how you truly feel the first four months of the year; how you struggle to keep a smiling face, when in fact, all you have underneath is worry.

Here you go again, you are being pulled by the same reasons. You hated not being in control of your feelings. You hated it when all the things you are fond of doing is not giving you the same pleasure as before. You hated it when life pulls you down without you knowing the exact cause of it.

You needed to start over again. But what does it take to start over again? You are afraid. You are afraid your chosen path will never be fruitful. You are afraid of slipping away again. However, you needed to do this, you needed to restart. You needed to stop the cowardice and be courageous just for once. You needed to relearn to trust yourself. But most importantly, you needed to trust God wholeheartedly.

This year, you will be one year older. The past 10 years of your existence had taught you many life lessons. It taught you to be brave enough to face the battles ahead. It taught you to accept things as they are. It taught you to breathe and be still once in a while. It taught you to let go and let God. It taught you to find your purpose. It taught you how magnificent life is. It taught you not to dwell in the past. It taught you to keep moving forward. It taught you not to lose grip on who you truly are and who your God is. You are who you are because of the things you’ve learned and experienced.

Younger self, as of writing this, days will be better. Life will open different opportunities for you to take a step forward and brave the world. Weeks will get better. You will experience things most human experience. Months will get better, believe me. You will find out that life can be as amazing as the books you’ve read. And I hope in the remaining months of the year your spark will not die down again. Because life is amazing, it is!

To more mishaps, getting back up, learning and love!!! It will get better.


To read Sunday Series, Note to My Younger Self, click the following:

Note to My Younger Self | 01 | 2007 (Best Shot)

Note to My Younger Self | 02 | 2008 (Goodbyes)

Note to My Younger Self | 03 | 2009 (Everything’s Okay)

Note to My Younger Self | 04 | 2010 (Hard Times)

Note to My Younger Self | 05 | 2011 (Learning to Breathe)

Note to My Younger Self | 06 | 2012 (Endings & Beginnings)

Note to My Younger Self | 07 | 2013 (More)

Note to My Younger Self | 08 | 2014 (Slow Down)

Note to My Younger Self | 09 | 2015 (Set Apart)

Note to My Younger Self | 10 | 2016 (Defying Gravity)

Note to My Younger Self is a 12-week Sunday Series that aims to make sense of my past in order for me to move on to the present without extra baggage.



Photo Credit: magic4walls.com

 

Note to My Younger Self | 10 | 2016

“Everyone deserves the chance to fly!”

This year was your another chance in life. Another shot to make your dreams possible. Another chance to step out again and this time, be brave enough to continue.

The first 2 months were not easy. You just got back from the agonizing internal battle of who you want to be and who are you ought to be. You just learned to stand up again. But, life had its way of getting you back down, frustrating you and your dreams. You’d given up… again.

You think, no fire can burn your passion again. No light can bring the spark again. No wind can make you fly again. But, you were wrong as usual, another simple unexpected circumstance turned your passionless soul burn with passion again. You learned to re-try but now with purpose. You learned to never stop learning. You learned to trust the process. You learned that to progress, you needed a lot of practicing to do. And that’s what you did.

But then, another unexpected event had happened. This was the time you were rekindling your fire. The battle of responsibilities and dreams were on again. You thought, life didn’t want you to dream. You learned to manage your time. And that’s what you did.

You thought after that, life would be smooth-sailing, however, that was not the case. And this time, it was not all about you anymore. It was all about life and how one life (or death) could make you realize that it would never be all about you. You learned to stay grounded. You learned that everything has its purpose. You learned to live your purpose. And this time, you learned to share that purpose.

Younger self, life would hit you every time you thought you are invincible because you are not. Don’t let your feet off the ground. Stop thinking that the world owe you because it does not. Learn to accept what’s in front and move forward from there.

Younger self, learn, learn, learn. There are lot of things to learn. So what if you fail on what you thought you want? There are vast of opportunities out there. Don’t be afraid to try again.

Younger self, be reminded why you are doing what you are doing. Be reminded why you started. Be reminded that whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as to please God and not men.


To read Sunday Series, Note to My Younger Self, click the following:

Note to My Younger Self | 01 | 2007 (Best Shot)

Note to My Younger Self | 02 | 2008 (Goodbyes)

Note to My Younger Self | 03 | 2009 (Everything’s Okay)

Note to My Younger Self | 04 | 2010 (Hard Times)

Note to My Younger Self | 05 | 2011 (Learning to Breathe)

Note to My Younger Self | 06 | 2012 (Endings & Beginnings)

Note to My Younger Self | 07 | 2013 (More)

Note to My Younger Self | 08 | 2014 (Slow Down)

Note to My Younger Self | 09 | 2015 (Set Apart)

Note to My Younger Self is a 12-week Sunday Series that aims to make sense of my past in order for me to move on to the present without extra baggage.

 



Photo: psicologiaacessivel.net

Note to My Younger Self | 09 | 2015

“There are certain times in this life that you find yourself pursuing a course that you are not certain will prove to be fruitful. Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, miraculously you receive the smallest sign or indication that you’re on the right track.”

A year of excellence, you said. A year when you would be excellent in every aspect of  your life for the sole purpose of setting an example to nonbelievers, you said. Has this been the case?

Looking back to 2015, you started the year with high hopes, believing in the impossible, holding on to His promises. However, as months passed by, the typical-you were slipping away. Raised as a realist-pessimist, you were confronted by the fact that not everything as planned could go along your way. And that drifted you.

But then, the typical-you would only see the negative circumstances that gone your way, you wouldn’t realized immediately, the blessings God had showered you. He had given you opportunities to give, to share, to encourage and to go outside your comfort zone.

You thought you fell short on being excellent. But to tell you the truth, I am amazed of how far you’ve come as a person. What you did then, made you a better person now. Your heart grew and glowed.  It grew to a more emphatic and thoughtful heart. It glowed and it shows.

Younger self, I will tell you again, don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing what you can to make the world a better one. Yes, life is a series of pulls back and forth but it doesn’t mean you need to be swallowed by your pessimistic view of the world and self.

Younger self, I am happy that your heart grows and you learn to accept the inevitable part of life, that even though you know this, you still chooses to see the beauty amidst the ugliness.

Younger self, continue to give, to share, to encourage and to go outside your comfort zone. You are excellent on those things, remember that.


To read Sunday Series, Note to My Younger Self, click the following:

Note to My Younger Self | 01 | 2007 (Best Shot)

Note to My Younger Self | 02 | 2008 (Goodbyes)

Note to My Younger Self | 03 | 2009 (Everything’s Okay)

Note to My Younger Self | 04 | 2010 (Hard Times)

Note to My Younger Self | 05 | 2011 (Learning to Breathe)

Note to My Younger Self | 06 | 2012 (Endings & Beginnings)

Note to My Younger Self | 07 | 2013 (More)

Note to My Younger Self | 08 | 2014 (Slow Down)

Note to My Younger Self is a 12-week Sunday Series that aims to make sense of my past in order for me to move on to the present without extra baggage.



Quote from the book: The Ultimate Gift by Jim Stovall

Photo: OddyseyOnline

 

Gratefulness

To realize God can bring joy to the most unexpected moment is to realize how great He is, how great His love is, how great His mercy is.

You never fail to surprise me, Lord! You never fail to show Your greatness! You never fail to give joy. You are the ultimate joy-bringer, hope-bringer and rest-bringer.

Thank you, Lord!


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P.S. I can’t contain the joy I am feeling right now. I can’t really put it to right word.


Note to My Younger Self | 08 | 2014

“It’s not a question of who are we really. It’s who we want to be”

Life. Most of the time, life is seemingly like a blur. For one moment, you feel like there’s a whole world of happiness and contentment, and for another moment, your world has drained all the sanity in you.

2014 was a test of faith: faith to things you are ought to do, and faith to things you want to do. Hoping that someday, what you ought to do is similar to what you want to do. But that’s not all of it. 2014 was also the year you take the leap. You go against your zone, you put your feet outside the invisible line because you want to belong somewhere and you know where you were then is not the ground you were supposed to be standing on. You go outside your comfort zone, you for once, take the courage to slow down and breathe.

It was not easy — slowing down. Slowing down means you have a huge amount of time to think. Thinking is not a very good companion when you are in the middle of a void of who you are and who you want to be, a void which drains all the sanity you keep inside. But, slowing down is needed. Because you’ve been in a hustle for a very long time since you didn’t want to disappoint people near your heart, but most importantly, you didn’t want to disappoint the “very-hard-on-yourself” you. You were suffocating and choking yourself. You needed to let go of things. You needed to come to your senses. You needed to be wanted, to belong somewhere. Slowing down is the only key, it is the only answer.

Younger self, even now, I would like to tell you, slow down, maybe be still every once in a while. Don’t suffocate yourself from uncontrollable things. Don’t forget to breathe once in a while. Yes, time is passing. But, everything has its right season, what comes is what you should take in. Yes, we are growing old. But, don’t forget your sanity is important also. Don’t work and stress yourself out on things that didn’t go as planned.

Younger self, don’t be so hard on yourself.


To read Sunday Series, Note to My Younger Self, click the following:

Note to My Younger Self | 01 | 2007 (Best Shot)

Note to My Younger Self | 02 | 2008 (Goodbyes)

Note to My Younger Self | 03 | 2009 (Everything’s Okay)

Note to My Younger Self | 04 | 2010 (Hard Times)

Note to My Younger Self | 05 | 2011 (Learning to Breathe)

Note to My Younger Self | 06 | 2012 (Endings & Beginnings)

Note to My Younger Self | 07 | 2013 (More)

Note to My Younger Self is a 12-week Sunday Series that aims to make sense of my past in order for me to move on to the present without extra baggage.