“I can defy myself. I can deny the identity God has given me. I can shrug everything that the Bible says. But I am tired of that, I am tired of defying and denying God’s will. I am tired of believing my own opinion. I am tired of telling myself ‘this is my identity.’ I am tired of living life away from God. Right now, what I know is I am where I need to be. I am who I need to be.”
Identity. I can tell myself anything. I can choose to believe whatever I feed my mind with. I can tell myself I am an introvert (because Psych exams told me so) and I am no way near being an extrovert. Yet, I am here right now, doing the most hated job of every introverts I know, being a recruiter which involves a lot of talking and persuading. But the fact that God has placed me right at this very position means He has a purpose for me here. I can tell God, “NO WAY GOD! I don’t like to be here. I don’t like to talk to people. This is not my dream. This is not what I ask for.” But yet again, defying God is like defying gravity…. WE CAN’T! Or maybe we can but at the end of the day, it will leave us empty, tired and craving for more. I’ve tried to defy God but at the end, I am still looking for more, thirst for more and I became weary and tired.