Realizations

We are not afraid of the dark.

We are afraid of what we may feel and see in the dark.

We do not fear heights.

But we do fear falling.

This year should have been a fearless year. My year starter mantra last January was “Challenge yourself, stretch your faith.” Stretching faith is never easy. It means entering a whole new world, leaving your comforts behind. And for me, it is not easy. All my life I’ve been living in a comfortable world. I do not risk much. I love security. I fear going out in the world unprepared.

Yet, challenge should be done. I resigned to my first work of 2 years. Then, I joined a company not knowing what lies ahead. Many questions and insecurities are boggling my mind. Will I be excellent? Will I be enough? Is it worth it? Will I fail? Will I withstand the challenges?Β Without any preparedness, another life-changing event happened. I discovered a lump above my thighs. And it turned out to be a hematoma. I underwent a minor surgery since it was beginning to expand. I do not know where and how did I get it. In 2 weeks time, I will be learning the result. And I am afraid of that.

Maybe, I do not fear what the result might be. What I am afraid of is what will happen next after finding out the result.Β Will the result be another life-changing thing? Or just another trial to pass by? Will it make me more afraid of what lies ahead? Or will make me joyous of life?

What I know now is this, wherever life takes us, just keep moving forward. Pain, loss, happiness, sorrow, joy should not keep us from stepping ahead. Feelings and questions are just temporary. Live life like you are walking, one step at a time and move forward. Our feet were created not to stay in one moment but to move forward.

Shadows

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